school holidays started!

hari ni my 2 kids n my mom going back to msia.. the kids going back back for good.. hmmm..i am suppose to go back with them today but unfortunatelly lil Hannah document still tak settle.. to save some bucks, terpaksalah the kakaks balik dulu.. otherwise mr hubby need to buy 5 new tickets to kl .. after considering this, we come out with decision that the kakaks balik dulu.. so.. instead of 5 new ticket, we only need to buy 3 new ticket.. alkisah nyaaaaaa..

last night ade skit 'scene'.. macam biasa my two eldest kids dgn peel memasing.. n being me.. whenever i feel like marah / tegur one of them i will do it directly.. tak terkecuali la last night.. but last night it was in front of my mum.. when one of them buat perangai n i scolded her, hubs say don't n ntah mcmana terkeluar pulak dr my mouth protest of why i can't scold them now.. mum feels that i 'melawan cakap hubs' in front of her and that makes hubs malu.. n mum sort of kecik hati sbb i always scold my daughter .. hmmm...nak kata banyak pon tak guna.. dah terjadi pon.. mulut laser sangat inilah padahnya.. mum naik atas trus mengunci diri dalam bilik.. malam pun tido kat luar..

so this morning.. after having my shower, i confront my mum.. apologizing for my wrong doing that makes her kecik hati.. sedih2 gitu.. the kakaks ask a lot of question when they see me crying.. i feel like i have made a wrong decision to send them back for good.. dalam hati berbelah bahagi.. patut dan tak patut.. tapi bila fikir2 balik.. its better for them to stay in mums house.. kurang kena marah dgn myself.. so less damage to their heart... hopefully they wont hate me as their 'angry mom'.. i didn't hate them..i love them much.. cuba bgtau mak mana yg tak sayang anak .. penat mengandung, melahirkan dan membesarkan.. i just can't control my self to scold them whenever they do things that i dont like.. i hope with them staying in mums house, i can change to be a better mom.. hopefully when we stay together again in the future,  we both know how to handle the relationship...

eventhough they been away less than 24 hr, i miss them already.. i love you both aisyah n khadijah.. never in my life regret having you both as my daughter.. maybe the way i treat you seem cruel to others but inside i just want to see all my kids grows well, menjadi anak berguna dan berjaya dunia akhirat.. insyaallah